I don't know any of you personally. I wish I did so that I could see what makes you love and what makes you hurt inside. I wish I knew you so I could tell you that you are loved. I wish I knew you and you knew me so you would understand what I will tell you, but unfortunately you will have to try to understand my madness (please do not think I mean angry when I say madness) on your own.
I love that deviantART is a place where some of us can let our ideas loose and let others observe them. Art, I am sure, means something different for all of us. I hope, though, that it is something in your heart. I hope that art is a passion for you.
Passion throbs inside of me like a swollen sea that rolls in and out from shore. I guess it's in my personality that I have so much passion. Sometimes I don't know how to handle my passion and I tend to let my passion eat up one thing and it sucks the life out of me. I become so exhausted. In the end I am left limp and wanting. I guess my passion tries to feast on things that lack real substance. I become some kind of wild creature. I'm realizing this emptiness inside of my chest. I've wandered far from my values, although I have not committed any "huge sins," whatever that means. I've always heard that all sins are the same in God's eyes. But I feel far away from everything that is Good. I've turned away from true beauty and tried to turn my talents and abilities into some sort of magnificent show for myself. I'm sure I could continue this absurdity, but I feel like this shallow falseness of who I really am is eating me alive. I don't like that feeling so what I am doing is just stopping and questioning and examining my motives in life and in love.
It is frightening to question the incredible beauty God has created. It is frightening to leave it and chase after a plastic life. I want depth I want life and I want trees to grow and beauty to thrive inside of my soul. That can't happen with all of the pollution I have been letting take over and cover the stars.
I'm not sure what this all means for my deviantART profile. I want to continue it, but I don't think I can honestly show you who I truly am and what I believe through meaningless art that speaks nothing because of this plastic life I have been living. Hopefully once this is sorted out inside of me I can show you the Greatness of Life and Love and God. I will most likely come back to write and to be inspired by those who create a new meaning to unique. I'll see how things go, I may even post art/doodles that voice my journey.
You who may be atheists or agnostics will maybe easily scorn or judge me based upon what I have said. I'm sorry that you feel that way. Say what you like or don't say anything at all, it's your choice. I'm an American citizen and going off of our constitution you have the freedom of speech. So speak if you wish.
I'm sorry to sound too fancy or sappy, but I hope you can look past that and understand what I am really saying.
Also, please do not think that the art I have made and the art I have posted thus far is fake and not voicing something inside of me. All of my art is an attempt at beauty and a lot of times it has fallen short, but there are some pieces that I believe are not that far from grasping some sort of beauty that I have discovered.
May you be graciously given strength for your own journeys in life.
(comically, I am still anguished... according to the mood status)